Review by Shaggy Bob
There I was, chillin' as usual and what do I get? These two ugly dudes with really thick accent comes up to me and ask me directions to a place. Of course I knew where exactly they wanted to go and was courteous enough to gave 'em the correct yet simple directions. But really, am I a foreigner magnet or something? If so, why can't I get a gorgeous babe with Swedish accent instead?
Speaking of lot of lots of glitz and no substance, SPAWN came out so I had to check it out. It's about this black ops guy who gets betrayed by his boss and dies and then comes back to life. Ok, he doesn't have much in the way of life since when he died, he was burnt so he came back burnt. Anyhow, he's the hero and he gets rid of the bad dude at the end.
No nakkid boobs. 5 doz bullets. dozen dead bodies. 53 on the vomit meter. No moon shots. What we got here are: caual stroll- from hell-fu, bullets to the control panel-fu, ultimate lock-on target- fu, cleaner syndrome-fu, famous last ops-fu, boobie trap-fu, unwilling subjects-fu, dude from hell-fu, rain from nowhere-fu, attack of killer bum-fu, b-day party-fu, and of course, the ultimate cape-fu. Video Hall of Fame nominations to John Leguizamo for saying stuff like "I hate anchovis" and to Martin Sheen for saying stuff like "I like that" and to Nicol Williamson for saying stuff like "use your armor". And of course to Michael Jai White for sayin' stuff like "Yes I will" and to Theresa Randle for saying stuff like "he knew my name." One and a three quarter star. Shaggy Bob says wicked!
Spoilers -- This is a special effects movie, pure and simple. There's no plot to get in the way of story line which consists of showing off the special effects. Don't get me wrong -- the effects are cool. But hero really isn't a hero and there's really no real development -- just and introduction. Maybe after seeing the first of the sequal, you can actually skip to the real stuff. If Carmen Berg says she'll give you a call, I'd consider waiting by the phone.
Alien Alert! What's this with capital gains tax issue? Isn't it part of income? Why do you have to make different income different? Are they trying to create more tax accounting jobs or something? Or are the tax accountants lobbying for more complicated tax structures? Or am I just too stupid?