A Movie Review

by Shaggy Bob

Shaggy Bob may possibly have the biggest ego, but it's backed with the wisdom beyond any mortal means. He has answers to all questions. And he's never wrong. Well, so we are lead to believe. And don't let him get started on "women -- source of all evil" or else you'll never hear the end. You've been warned.

Star Wars (1996)

There I was, chillin' as usual and walking down the street. And guess what I get? This Mormon guy comes up to me and start preaching about their belief and everything. What really bothered me was that the guy was carrying a Russian bible. Talk about redundant. Anyhow, I escaped their grasp.

Speaking of being born again, Star Wars came out and I had to go check it out. You know the story, it's about the good vs the evil. Throw in the princess in distress, two goofy rescuers and a wise ol' teacher. Yeah, it's what the legends are made of. And no, it never gets tired. And the edits and the added scenes are really cool.

No nakkid boobs. No bullets (but with bullet sounds). Kazillion dead bodies. 12 on the vomit meter. No moon shots. What we got here are: In the galaxy far far away-fu, attack of killer star destroyer-fu, storm troopers-fu, Mr Darth-fu, droids from hell-fu, elephants in rags-fu, little rats-fu, more star destroyers-fu, astroids from hell-fu, attack of killer death star-fu, and of course, the force- fu. Video hall of fame nominations to Harrison Ford for saying stuff like "May the Force be with you" and to Mark Hamill for saying stuff like "I want to learn about the force". And of course to Carrie Fisher for saying stuff like "You listen to me, got it?" and to Alec Guiness for saying stuff like "Use the Force Luke". Four stars. Shaggy Bobs says wicked!

Spoilers -- There was once a wise man who told me this -- digital means you can play it loud! (without distortion) Go see it on the big screen with good sound system. It's the whole reason why you want to go see it. Ok, the added scenes are cool. And they did a good job editing the special effects. But Star Wars is one of the few movies that has that certain magic. And you won't get most out of it unless you see it on the big screen. If you're waiting for the phone call from Rachel Blanchard, just call her up and take her to see this movie. She won't hate you for it. Well, that's assuming that you already know her and you're not being a pain.

Alien Alert! What's this I hear about da mayor wanting to bring Steinheart to SOMA? Just what goes through morons' minds (if there is any)? Hello? Oh, I forgot, we're talking about people who'd demolish freeway one level at a time and never replace them. Just once, I'd like to hear about sound decisions. I guess I'll be dead before that but I can always dream can't I?

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