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Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

movie review by Shaggy Bob

There I was, chillin' as usual and what do I get? This guy comes up to me all excited sayin' "Shaggy Bob, I finally figured out why the windows in the car fogs up -- it's 'cause the ouside air cools down faster than the outside air." And my reply was "I know that. The stuff I don't understand is what happens if you have a roof on top, like an overpass or a bridge? Same outside air, but you don't get fog. Why?" Don't tell me, microcrimate.

There I was Speaking of why, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation came out and I had to go check it out. It's a sequel to the first one based on the video game. Yes, this too is sort'a based on video game. And yes, just like the fighting video games go, there's not much of plot. Lots of fancy kicks though. And yes, the Outworld is about to take over the earth again so the heroes had to save the day.

No nakkid boobs. No bullets. Lots of dead bodies but none that you can really see really well. 32 on the vomit meter. No moon shots. What we got here are: falling people-fu, knock back from hell-fu, attack of falling roof-fu, ultimate subway ride-fu, new definition to step ladder-fu, acid trip from hell-fu, ultimate bad breath-fu, and of course lots of kung-fu. Video Hall of Fame nominations to Talisa Soto for saying stuff like "It's a trap", and to Lynn Red Williams for sayin' stuff like "talk about your disfunctional family", and to James Remar for sayin' stuff like "all you have to do is believe in yourself". And of course to Robin Shou for sayin' stuff like "We are not ready yet", and to Sandra Hess for saying stuff like "so you picked her up instead." Two stars. Shaggy Bob says wicked!

Spoilers -- Lots of fancy big moves. Not much in the way of art. Minimum plot, although there was more than the first one (which isn't saying much). And I thought Robin Shou would do more cool moves. Anyhow, combat sequences with the ninja was pretty neat but only thing that saved the movie was fight sequences performed by Sandra Hess. She was great. Good lookin', nice bod, and she can kick butt.

If you're waiting for the phone call from Stella Tennant, well, if she has your number and she said she'll call you while staring into your eyes, I might consider saying by the phone.

Alien Alert! What makes someone shoot his partner dead, steal the armored car, flee out of state, and surrender peacefully in middle of the country, not even close to the border? Am I missing something? I just wish things made more sense. Of course slapping the wrists of criminals is one of them.

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